Do you find yourself remembering the fun and promise of past holiday celebrations, unable to look forward without sadness or frustration? Are you wishing you could find something exciting and new to boost your spirits, but you just can’t work up the enthusiasm to care? It is as though joy and pleasure are lost or out of reach. Perhaps it seems as though the thrill and possibility of new beginnings have faded somehow.

For some of us, the holidays hurt. And sometimes, the new year just feels empty. What’s going on? Simply put, if you‘re sad and struggling this season, depression may be the cause. 

What do you do? Start by giving yourself permission to back away from the pressure of parties, resolutions, and promises to be happier than you are. The past is gone and it's okay to grieve that. And if the new year doesn’t seem that promising yet, it’s okay to take some time to figure out why.

Practice Acceptance: If yesteryear is your current happy place…that’s okay for now

If a sense of “what’s the point” made all the shopping and socializing seem commercial and exhausting, you aren’t alone. If all of the New Year lights and delights feel like tedious deja vu, don’t beat yourself up. It’s okay to admit that to yourself. 

It is also okay to accept that some years and holiday seasons are better than others. Our collective pandemic experience taught us to take life as it comes. Of course, that can be hard to remember without support. It's okay to take charge of your own time and emotions. 

Nothing is wrong with you if you simply allow happier memories to support you through the upcoming new year. You needn’t be compelled to create new ones if you aren’t up to it. Those sweet times once seasoned your life with love and connection. While you may not be able to corral those feelings in quite the same way now, those memories can remind you that oy and hope are possible and can eventually come again.

Be Mindful, Not Critical: Let your past and your feelings come & go 

Instead of lamenting the new year or hibernating until spring, pay attention to your mixed feelings. Allow yourself to feel let down. Just try to be patiently present. and aware. Observe your emotions as they are. Resist holding on to negativity or positivity. No need to dress your feelings up, fix them, or bury them in false merriment. Your feelings, like the season, will come and go. It can be freeing to honor the moment and let the new year come when it comes.

Grieve and Grow: Focus on the past often leads to reflection and a new kind of connection.

Consider that the low moods, memories, and longing you’re experiencing might be a call for deeper meaning or a new direction in your current life. Does your new path have to be wrapped in a bow or commence at the stroke of midnight? Of course not. Take your time. It’s okay to let go of the past at a pace that suits you. 

What’s more important is to take a closer look at the memories you’re holding on to, seasonal and otherwise. Do they really serve you, or are they someplace to retreat because you don’t want to face loss, loneliness, or difficulty in your life? You don’t have to do this work alone. This kind of examination is helpful with the guidance of a trusted loved one or a compassionate counselor (or both).

Leave The Guilt, Keep The Comfort.

Perhaps you’re upset with yourself for not “getting over” your low moods or dwelling in the past. Please try to remember that dark moods and depression have nothing to do with your character or your strength. They are simply a sign that you are human and deserve care and support. Those are the most important takeaways of the holidays.

Speak kindly to yourself. Seek at least one reliable person for guidance and perspective. Give yourself the comfort and compassion you would any other person who feels low right now. If nothing else, remember that you deserve to ring in the new year with an extra measure of self-directed grace and comfort too.  

Depression Treatment: Don’t Manage Depression By Yourself

You deserve a safe place to explore your thoughts and feelings. Working with a therapist is a good way to set healthy habits, determine manageable goals, and construct a happier future year-round. Treatment can support your mind and body’s ability to self-correct and deal with transition and change. 

If you are struggling with overwhelming stress, hopelessness, or grief, depression therapy may be able to help. Please call (805) 374- 1770 or email me at Linda@lindafisherman.com for compassionate care and support.