Is trauma sabotaging the love in your life? When unhealed, unprocessed trauma remains unaddressed, your relationship can feel it. Communication between you and your partner may be fraught with misunderstanding. Persistent trust issues can erode closeness. Intimacy may feel out of reach. In other words, what you suffered can stay with you for a long time and your partner can suffer too.

Awareness is key. Looking for signs and patterns is a crucial step toward the mental shift and emotional support that makes healthier relationships possible.

Unprocessed trauma is often unrecognized and unconscious. Yet, it can seriously influence your self-perception and your beliefs about your relationships. To determine whether trauma impacts your thoughts, physical responses, and ability to connect, it can help to ask the following questions:  

How Does Your Self-talk Support or Sabotage Your Connection?

Consider your internal dialogue. Do you talk to yourself affirming or steeped in insecurity and shame? Do you tend to reinforce long-held ideas about your worth and lovability based on past relationships?

Trauma-induced distortions in your thinking can lead to a lack of self-compassion and a tough inner critic that harms you and your relationships. For example, repeated thoughts like, “No one will ever want me for long,” may trigger hopelessness and helplessness. As a result, you may cling tightly or resist deeper connection. The tension this causes may reaffirm the belief that a healthy relationship is beyond your reach.

Does Distrust Repeatedly Come Between You and Your Partner?

Feeling irrationally unsafe and insecure in your current relationship may be a sign that you were traumatized in the past. If you are anxious about trusting your partner, you may have internalized the idea that security, unconditional love, and respect are not consistent or reliable. Thus, you may self-protect by becoming distrustful, suspicious, or even placing your needs above others. Without trust, any relationship struggles to survive.

Are You Prone to Emotional Extremes?

If you haven’t dealt with an unsafe, unpredictable, or lonely childhood, the unresolved trauma may have taught you to expect a measure of confusion or turmoil in relationships. When things are calm or content, you might find that you create problems or instigate the emotional extremes you assume are normal. It isn’t unusual for unhealed trauma to show up as a disruptive need to test your partner’s love and commitment by creating drama or pushing their buttons.

Do Your Boundaries Feel Solid or Inspire Anxiety?

Unprocessed trauma can make boundary-setting feel alien. Having been compromised or violated without resolution in the past, it may be stressful to stand up for yourself now. As a result, you might find that you repeatedly choose partners who mistreat you or expect to feel mistreated regardless of what you do. To set limits and guidelines may even seem like a pathway to conflict or abandonment by someone you love.

Is Numbing Interfering with Closeness in Your Relationship?

Unprocessed trauma often leads to numbing as a mental and emotional escape. Some people numb internal pain with risky behavior. Others try to prove themselves by overachieving. Over time, this can become a habit you don’t consciously recognize. However, perfectionism, over-work, and more often have the unintended consequence of less togetherness and a shallow bond.

Are You Using Avoidance to Keep the Peace?

Avoidance is a common trauma response. Pushing away discomfort, vulnerability, and conflict can actually feel safer when trauma gets in the way. If you are afraid that your relationship might fail, do you tend to assume as much of the emotional burden as you can? If you resist engagement and intimacy to prevent disappointment or conflict, your relationship may feel perpetually tenuous or unsatisfying. The effort of deep connection can be overwhelming but the decision to keep things comfortable through avoidance just deprives you and your partner of the growth and closeness you want.

Trauma Treatment: How Therapy Helps Heal Unprocessed Trauma

It isn’t unusual for trauma survivors to feel confused about how to safely love someone else. You aren’t alone if you sense processed trauma has the upper hand right now. If you and your partner are frustrated by patterns of reactivity and avoidance between you, it’s time to seek support. Exploring unprocessed trauma is a journey that deserves safety, commitment, and guidance.

Therapy is a productive way to start working toward the relationship you want. There is no shame in seeking help. Trauma treatment offers care, compassion, and the means for finally resolving your experience.

Let’s take the next step together. I am experienced and qualified to help you heal. Please read more about our Trauma Treatment services. Contact me for a consultation soon.